Thursday, March 22, 2007

Musings on Japan#2: Students I hated

I generally loved teaching. There is such a buzz when your students get it, and use the language you have taught them with confidence. However, there are a few students that you just wish would burn in the everlasting flames of Hell. Here they are for your reading pleasure...

For legal reasons, the names have been changed, let's just call each one arsehole, and number them sequentially.

Not so much an individual, but a whole class! The following is the beginning of my handover notes, the joyous day that I was finally rid of them:

This class made my decision to resign a very, very easy one. It is populated by the thickest and most malicious children I have come across. One, you will soon discover, is a mountain-sized, hairy knuckled Neanderthal, more about “her” later…
Do not employ an ounce of “genki-ness” with this mob, stride into that classroom full of vengeful fury and get medieval on their asses!

The formerly mentioned mountain-sized, hairy knuckled Neanderthal rates her own special mention. She was, according to her birth certificate, an 11 year old girl. Personally I thought she was a Russian sailor that went AWOL and, in order to evade authorities, decided to take on the guise of an 11 year old Japanese girl. Am I the only one who knows the truth?

Again I will flout the grammatical rule of singularity and combine a plurality of little shits into one pooey mess, now known as arsehole#3. The following are my handover notes for the next suffering teacher.

Out of the 100 or so students I teach, I only dislike 3 of the them. These two cackling little witches are 2nd and 3rd on the list (this was, of course, before the hell of arsehole#1 and #2 entered my miserable existence.) If this was Lord of the Flies, I would have been dinner long ago. However, I have fought a bitter and prolonged battle with them, and in the last month I have experienced a detente of sorts. They are North Korea, and I am South Korea - I suspect they have nuclear capabilities . . .


I must say that my "problem" children (ie arseholes) are usually girls. The boys are generally quite good, except for ...

Arsehole#4 is a very annoying little brat. You can see his future every time he opens his horrible little mouth and shrieks his horrible little incantations: he will be a chu-hi swilling, hostess-butt-rubbing, wife-beating salary man. The following is a typical list of my commands to him that I must roar over his unrelenting shrieks:

“Arsehole#4, stop hitting him”, “Arsehole#4, put that down”, “Arsehole#4, be quiet”, “Arsehole#4, take that out of your mouth”, “Arsehole#4, get your head out of her skirt",“Arsehole#4, stop crying like a little pansy”, “Arsehole#4, stop bleeding”

Oh, the joy of teaching children.

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